When You Get Kicked in the Rear, You Know You're out in Front
By Dr John C. Maxwell

One of the prices of leadership is criticism. When spectators watch a race, where do they focus their attention? On the front runners! Few people pay close attention to the racers who are out of contention. Racers who are viewed as being out or the running are often ignored or dismissed. But when you’re out front and ahead of the crowd, everything you do attracts attention.
As a young leader I wanted to be out front, and I enjoyed the praise of the people. However, I didn’t want to put up with anybody’s “constructive criticism.” Very quickly I learned that I had unrealistic expectations. You don’t get one without receiving the other. If you want to be a leader, you need to get used to criticism, because if you are successful, you will be criti cized. Certain people will always find something to be unhappy about. And the way some people criticize others, you’d think they got paid for it!

Being criticized can be very discouraging. One day when I was feeling down, I shared my weariness of criticism with a friend, and his response was enlightening.

“When you’re getting discouraged as a leader,” he said, “think of Moses. He led a million complaining people for forty years and never arrived where he was supposed to go.” Moses faced a lot of complaints, criticism, and just plain whining. Some days as a leader, I can sympathize with Moses. I bet if he had it to do all over again, he would have made a note to self: next time don’t tell Pharaoh to let all my people go.

How Do You Handle Criticism?



I love the story of the salesman who was getting a haircut and mentioned that he was about to take a trip to Rome. Italy.

“Rome is a terribly overrated city,” Commented his barber, who was born in northern Italy. “What airline are you taking?”

The salesman told him the name of the airline and the barber responded, “What a terrible airline! Their seats are cramped, their food is bad, and their planes are always late. What hotel are you staying at?”

The salesman named the hotel, and the barber exclaimed, “Why would you stay there? That hotel is in the wrong part of town and has horrible service. You’d be better off staying home!”

“But I expect to close a big deal while I’m there,” the salesman replied. “And afterward I hope to see the pope.”

“You’ll be disappointed trying to do business in Italy,” said the barber. “And don’t count on seeing the pope. He only grants audiences to very important people.”

Three weeks later the salesman returned to the barber shop. “And how was your trip?” asked the barber.

“Wonderful!” replied the salesman. “The flight was perfect, the service at the hotel was excellent, and I made a big sale. And”—the salesman paused for effect—“I got to meet the pope!”

“You got to meet the pope?” Finally, the barber was impressed. “Tell me what happened!”

“Well, when I approached him. I bent damn and kissed his ring.”

“No kidding! And what did he say?”

“He looked down at my head and said, ‘My son, where did you ever get such a lousy haircut?”

Not everyone handles criticism the same way. Some try to ignore it. Some try to defend themselves against it. Others, like the salesman, use a witty remark to put a critic in his place. But no matter what, if you are a leader, you will have to deal with criticism.

How to Hold Up Under Criticism



Since all leaders nave to deal with negativity and criticism, regardless of position or profession, it’s important for them to learn to handle it con structively. Greek philosopher Aristotle said, “Criticism is something you can avoid easily—by saying nothing, doing nothing, and being nothing.” However, that isn’t an option for anyone who wants to be successful as a leader. So what do you do? The following four-step process has helped me to deal with criticism, so I pass it on to you.



1. Know Yourself—This Is a Reality Issue

As a young leader I soon learned that having an upfront position was certain to draw criticism, no matter who the leader was or what he did. Highly visible leaders often have to function in difficult environments— such as the office in which the following aid to have been displayed:



Notice:

This department requires no physical fitness program: everyone gets enough exercise jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, running down the boss, knifing friends in the back, dodging responsibility, and pushing their luck.

Anonymous

So if you are automatically going to be criticized if you are a leader, what should you do? First, have a realistic view of yourself. That will lay a solid foundation for you to handle criticism successfully. Here’s why: Many times, when a leader is being criticized, it’s really the leadership position that prompts the negative remarks, not the individual leader. You need to be able to separate the two, and vow can do that only when you know yourself. If a criticism is directed at the position, don’t take it person ally. Let it roll off of you. Knowing yourself well may take some time and effort. As founding father Benjamin Franklin observed, “There are three things extremely hard: steel, a diamond, and to know one’s self? However, the effort is worth the reward.

I have to admit that the majority of criti cism that I have received over the years was directed more at me than at the position I held. Often people have tried to help me know myself, and the conversation usually began with the phrase “I’m going to tell you some thing for your own good? I discovered that when they tell me something for my own good, they never seem to have anything good to tell me! However, I have also realized that what I need to bear most is what I want to hear least. From those conversations I have learned much about myself including the following:

• I am impatient.

• I am unrealistic about the time tasks take and how difficult most processes are.

• I don’t like to give a lot of time or effort to people’s emotional concerns.

• I overestimate the ability of others.

• I assume too much.

• I want to delegate responsibility too quickly.

• I want options—so many that I drive everyone crazy.

• I don’t care for rules or restrictions.

• I determine my priorities quickly and expect others to have similar attitudes.

• I process issues quickly and want to move on—even when other people aren’t ready to.



Obviously, the things I have found out about myself are not flattering. Yet those weaknesses are reality. So the question is, what am I to do about it?

2. Change Yourself—This Is a Responsibility Issue

When someone’s criticism about me is accurate, then I have a respon sibility to do something about it. That is part of being a good leader If I respond correctly to my critics by examining myself and admitting my short comings, then I set myself up to begin making positive changes in my life.

Author Aldous Huxley remarked, “You shall know the truth and the truth shall make you mad.” My first natural reaction to criticism often isn’t good—it sometimes hurt, but more often anger. But after my anger has subsided, I try to determine whether the criticism is constructive or destruc tive. Some say constructive criticism is when I criticize you, but destruc tive criticism is when you criticize me!) Here are the questions I ask to determine what kind of criticism it is:

• Who criticized me? Adverse criticism from a wise person is more to be desired than the enthusiastic approval of a fool. The source often matters.



• How was the criticism given? I try to discern whether the person was being judgmental or whether he gave me the benefit of the doubt and spoke with kindness.



• Why was it given? Was it given out of a personal hurt or for my benefit? Hurting people hurt people; they lash out or criticize to try to make themselves feel better, not to help the other person.



Whether the criticism is legitimate or not, what determines whether I grow from or groan under unwanted words is my attitude. My friend, management expert Ken Blanchard, is right when he says, “Some leaders are like seagulls. When something goes wrong, they fly in, make a lot of noise, and crap all over everything.” People with that kind of attitude not only refuse to take responsibility for their contribution to the problem, but they also make conditions terrible for the people who work with them.



People can change for the better only when they are open to improve ment. For that reason, when I am criticized I try to maintain the right atti tude by

• not being defensive,

• looking for the grain of truth,

• making the necessary changes, and

• taking the high road.



If I do those things, there is a very good chance that I will learn things about myself, improve as a leader, and preserve the relationships I have with others.

3. Accept Yourself—This Is a Maturity Issue

Jonas Salk, developer of the salk polio vaccine, had many critics in spite of his incredible contribution to medicine. Of criticism, he observed, “First people will tell you that you are wrong. Then they will tell you that you are right, but what you’re doing really isn’t important. Finally, they will admit that you are right and that what you are doing is very important; but after all, they knew it all the time.” How do leaders who are out front handle this kind of tickle response from others? They learn to accept themselves. If you have endeavored to know yourself, and have worked hard to change yourself, then what more can you do?

Professor and author Leo Buscaglia coun seled, “The easiest thing to be in the world is you. The most difficult thing to be is what other people want you to be. Don’t let them put you in that position.” To be the best person you can be—and the best leader—you need to be yourself. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t willing to grow and change. It just means that you work to become the best you that you can be. And as psychologist Carl Rogers remarked, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Being who you really are is the first step in becoming better than you are.

Because I’ve already written about working within your strength zone, which you can do only if you know and accept who you are, I don’t need to say a lot more about it here, other than to emphasize that accepting yourself is a sign of maturity. If you worry about what other people think of you, it’s because you have more confidence in their opinion than you have in your own. Executive coach and consultant Judith Bardwick says, “Real confidence comes from knowing and accepting yourself—your strengths and limitations—in contrast to depending on affirmation from others.”

4. Forget Yourself—This Is a Security Issue

The first step in the process of effectively handling criticism is to stop focusing on yourself. When we were growing up, a lot of us spent a good deal of time worrying about what the world thought of us. Now I’m sixty, and I realize the world really wasn’t paying much attention.

Secure people forget about themselves so they can focus on others. By doing this they can face nearly any kind of criticism—and even serve the critic. For years when I was the pastor of
churches, I went out of my way to initiate personal contact with my critics every Sunday. I
sought them out and greeted them. I wanted them to know that I valued them as people, regardless of what their attitude was toward me. Being secure in who I am and focusing on others allows me to take the high road with people. I try to live out a senti ment expressed be Parkenham Batty, who advised, “By your own soul learn to live. And if men thwart you, take no heed. If men hate you, have no care Sing your song, dream your dream, hope your hope and pray your prayer.”

One day Perry Noble, a young leader whom I have the privilege of mentoring, shared with me about the hurt he felt when others criticized him. I could identify with his feelings. When he asked for advice about how to respond to criticism, I explained that a secure leader never needs to defend himself.

Perry later said to me, “That day I realized I was spending way too much time defending myself to my critics and not getting done what I really needed to get done.” Once again, I could relate.

As leaders, we must always be serious about our responsibilities, but it isn’t healthy for us to take ourselves too seriously. A Chinese proverb says, “Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves. They shall never cease to be entertained.” I must say, for years I have entertained myself.

My friend Joyce Meyer observes, “God will help you be all you can be, but He will never let you be successful at becoming someone else.” We can’t do more than try to be all that we can be. If we do that as leaders, we will give others our best, and we will sometimes take hits from others. But that’s okay. That is the price for being out front.

Application Exercise

1. What are your deficiencies? Where do you fall short as a person and leader? If you can’t answer that question, then you don’t really know your self. And if you don’t, how will you be able to accept what you cannot change or change what you must to be a better leader? Ask five trust worthy people who know you where you come up short. Then decide what you need to change and what you need to accept


2. How secure are you as a leader? Insecurity and defensiveness are two characteristics that I have seen present many leaders from reaching their potential. When others criticize you, is your first reaction to dismiss what’s said, defend yourself, or fight back? If so, your responses may hold you back as a leader. Practice quietness the next time you are criticized. Take in all that’s said, tell the person that you will think about the criticism, and then take some time to process it on your own.


3. How can you properly process criticism? Use the three questions from the chapter to determine whether some criticism can be helpful to you:

• Who criticized me?

• How was the criticism given?

• Why was it given?

As you ask these questions, start out by giving the critic the benefit of the doubt so that you can be as objective as possible. If the criticism is well founded, then consider how you can make changes to improve.